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Some thoughts on Control

Some months ago, two submissive friends and i decided to work together on a blog topic, somehow it got a bit derailed and put on a back burner.... but i had already written down some of my thoughts on the topic which is "is it more satisfying to give up control or have it taken from you?"

First i will post what i wrote almost 3 months ago, when i was beginning probation with my Master. This is the first D/s relationship i have been involved in, my experience is quite limited, but it has been mine none-the-less.

Afterwards, i will write how i feel now, and will show the change, if any in my thoughts and perceptions.

Here goes:

At this point in my submissive journey… since I am very new, and not in an established relationship, I am only comfortable giving up control. In many ways I am cautious, I am not so hesitant of giving up control of my physical body, for me it is giving my mind over… so, I give in part, not whole right now. I believe the giving of the whole will come with time and trust.

So, how does giving this control feel for me… well, with the physical it is in two parts, lol. (no, it can’t be simple) I like knowing that I can trust this person with my safety, this does not mean there will be no pain, because there will, but it means I will not be damaged. My physical safety was not ‘a given’ as a child, it was quite abused by people in authority over me. So I never felt safe/secure/ trusting… so it is deeply satisfying to me now to be able to experience it. To know that no matter what, if I say Red, it will all stop. It is as important to me as the mental release.

I can give up control of my body, without a Dom ever touching my mind. So, is it the work of the Dom, to capture both? Can He do that? Does He want to do that? Will He do that? Or will I just be experiencing some interesting physical sensations, and that is it?

We shall see…. I shall write more, as it develops

OK, now the new perspective

First of all, i have to say i am very blessed with the Master i am with. He was well known and respected by my Mentor and friends i have made in the BDSM community... so, much of the 'vetting' and safety screenings that i would normally do weren't necessary. I also knew that He was/is an expert in many many BDSM activities, so again, i did not have to worry about my physical safety... this double reassurance allowed me to just relax, and to be open to getting to know Him and to seeing if W/we clicked or not.

So now we come to giving up control.... well, to be honest, this makes me laugh because it is a delicate balance.... for me, i wanted someone who i felt safe giving up control to, but i also wanted someone who was strong enough and commanding enough to TAKE it. The best way i can describe it is when One learns to drive a standard ... learning to work the clutch... the delicate balance between the clutch and the gas, and how timing is everything... luckily for me, my Master has great timing. Before i really recognized that i was ready, He already had and had swooped in and taken control.... and i am not usually surprised, but i will tell you for 3 weeks i was continually surprised as He was always 10 steps ahead of me. Trust me, that is very hard to accomplish.

So, to answer the topic question, for me, i feel it is more satisfying when control is taken, because that means He is taking control of my mind. He is engaging me fully, mentally and physically.


Copyright© By Acolyte 2014


Copyright© By Acolyte 2014

Reprinting of any  content within this section is allowed provided it is accessed free of charge

or with my personal consent ( a copy  forwarded would be nice)

Copyright© By  kinktoychest.com 2010

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